How can I learn preemptive forgiveness?

There are a few things I keep in mind to achieve the poise of pre-emptive forgiveness in the turmoil of life...

1. Humility - "[W]hat you know for sure that just ain't so," makes up about 60% of what we think we know. That's science.

2. Honesty - Before you say or do anything that impacts another, do diligence. Research what you think you know. Interview the people who were there. When we take time to study it out, we can achieve about 85% accuracy in our understanding and judgment (at best). ... In the process of doing this, our emotions have a chance to calm down and our instant judgments disappear.

3. Grace - Realize that everybody is doing the best they know how. In 1940s New Mexico, there were two escaped convicts in a shack surrounded by police. As they reloaded their pistols, the murderer said, "Why are people always picking on me?" The answer is, he was brought up in a way that, he just never learned how to get along in this world. But he was doing the best he knew how. Everybody is doing the best they know how. Nobody really knows how. Those who seem to know what they're doing, are faking it. "Forgive them, Father, for they know not what they do."

4. I forgive myself preemptively. Any outburst, emotional or rational reaction is a normal human thing, so I forgive myself. How can I not forgive others? "Love your neighbor as yourself."

Of course, it's always an imperfect process ... but really, isn't that the point?

A Christian friend feels cut off from family

A friend asked, “I have been divided off from the rest of you due to my beliefs. What do you think of this?”

I think you can believe whatever you want to believe. I think that everyone is doing the best they know how. That’s good enough for me.

The difference between me and most Christians today is that they use scripture to determine what love means, but I use love to determine what scripture means.

Jesus taught that we should love God, and our neighbor as our self; and that all the Law and the Prophets depend on that. The Law and the Prophets (and Psalms) were all of the authorized scriptures of Jesus’ day. By extension, the same thing applies to all the authorized scriptures of today – including the Bible. Understanding it depends on love. Love is the key to understanding.

The English version of Deuteronomy 6:4 usually leaves out a word included in the original Hebrew: “Hear you, Israel, Yahweh Elohim-of-us, Yaweh [is] one, AND-you-love Yaweh ….” In the original message from God, the phrase “God is one” is integrally connected with the command “love God.”

In John 17:3, Jesus makes a formula statement: “Now this is eternal life: that they know you, the only true God ….” For the rest of the chapter, he expands on that, praying that we be one with him. He culminates in the ecstatic statement in verse 23, that “they may be brought to complete unity (or perfect oneness).”

So, I think that Jesus teaches love and unity. Out of that core message, he warns of divisions or denominations.

It seems obvious that people want to feel the world is safe and their lives are stable. Anything that doesn’t fit with their nice, neat worldview meets with strong objections and defensiveness, even violence. “Indeed, a man’s enemies will be those of his own household.” Matt 10:36  

In fact, when someone starts speaking about something that isn’t nice and neat, most people will ignore him, turn their backs on him, avoid him, interrupt him, and even rescue others from a sensitive topic by talking loudly over the top of the speaker. We can’t have a civil argument, because people are so fragile and defensive, even actively seeking to misunderstand. Vigilant defensiveness. Divisiveness. Resisting knowing more and even anything different.

But divisiveness is not Jesus’ message. Division is the reaction against Jesus’ message.

So, what do I think? I think people use scripture to justify what they are doing. 

Instead, I accept preemptive forgiveness. I use love to guide what I am doing. I seek first to understand. Then I seek to be understood. And, if someone wants to be my “enemy,” they can do it without my participation. - Christopher