Sunday, January 6, 2019

A whole new whorled

A Whole New Whorled

A person who repeats what they have been taught is not thinking. Do you call that enlightenment?

The Seven-Layer Spice Cake

As I was meditating, I made a seven-layer spice cake with creme between each layer and a dark coffee icing on top.

I took it to my master to share and enjoy.

“I made this cake for you to share and enjoy,” I told him.

“That is no cake!” he declared sternly.

“Oh,” I said. I hesitated a moment. Then took a breath.

“Would you like to enjoy some no-cake with me?” I queried.

Master hesitated, then grinned.

We feasted on spice cake.

- Christopher, January 6, 2019

Wednesday, January 2, 2019

A little more open to love

My wife and I went to a New Year Day meal hosted by a friend who runs a local restaurant. The host cooked all the food, and it was delicious. She just wanted to share what she has.

While we were there, a young couple came in with two Korean kids (a girl almost 3, and a boy 4), whom they had adopted. They had to adopt the kids in Korea first. Apparently, the kids become American citizens when they land in the United States. Then, they have to adopt them again in the United States. The parents have to be pretty dedicated to go through all of that.

The little girl was very outgoing, loving and intelligent. She introduced herself with a high-five and a kiss on my cheek. Later she came back and, without a word, climbed into my lap and calmly sat there and watched things until she spotted her mom. Later still, she was in the booth right behind me when I heard her say, “Hug.” I turned around to look, and she was looking right at me with her big black eyes and her arms stretch out. So, we shared a hug. That was good for my heart.

I remembered her in my dreams last night. I experienced her happy love again, no strings or expectations. It reminded me of someone else I bonded with a few months ago.

I went through most of my life without meeting anybody who loved without strings attached. Then I met this person who, without saying a word, just started hugging me each time we met. It was such a sincere hug and a special look of love. And we don't even talk much, but it's such a special connection. We both know that I'm healing and becoming a more empowered person because of it. You can't beat unconditional love, just trusting and feeling appreciated for no particular reason at all.

So, anyway, in the dream, I realized that I have not been a very open, loving person. I thought, “I was terrified as a child.” Then I thought, that’s a really accurate description. I was often beaten for things I didn’t do as well as those I did. So, I grew up on defense, not expecting love, not recognizing it when I received it, and insensitive to others. I wasn’t mean. I just never understood what love looks like. I suspected it and held it off at a distance.

In my dream, I remembered people I’d been insensitive to. At the party, a lady commented that she thought I’d lost weight. Instead of just saying, thank you, I dismissed it. I remembered the look on her face, that she was a little embarrassed and hurt. At the time, I didn’t think much of it; but in remembering it, I realized I had been insensitive. I could have said thank you and shared a hug. So, in my dream, I did.

Then, I remembered several other people I had felt embarrassed or hurt by in the past. I realized that they must have been embarrassed or hurt at sometime in their lives, too. They must have felt defensive, not expecting love and not recognizing it when it was offered. They weren’t mean people. They just didn’t know what love looks like. They kept it at a distance. They didn’t know how to give love. And in my dream, I forgave each of them and gave each of them a hug. 

And then, I forgave myself, too. Now, I don’t expect that I’ll always be sensitive and confident enough to share love when someone else feels hurt. And I don’t expect that my attempts to offer love will always be accepted. But I have a little better understanding of love, how to give and accept it. And I expect that, from now on, I’ll try to be more aware of the pain and insecurity where others are coming from in their weak moments. And I’ll try to be poised and confident, forgiving and love-giving for them.

All because of someone who hugs me enough to heal me, and a 3-year-old girl who touched my life.

- Christopher, January 2, 2019