A friend is somebody who cares for you, and helps you meet
your wants and needs. Friendship is a give and take relationship, never one
way. People love to be able to help their friends, so having a network of
friends is a deep source of just about everything. (Learn more at Be a friend
and Winning
the power and benefits of friendship.)
But how do you build a great network of friends?
Starting out, you should aim to have 12 people in your
network of friends. On the other end of the spectrum, nobody can keep track of 150
people without an assistant. Twenty-five
friends is a comfortable number for most people, but you can grow it as big as
you want.
Build your network one conversation at a time. LISTEN first,
but don’t just listen in a general way. Listen specifically for the person’s
wants and needs. Keep track of them, and even write them down. In your third
conversation, you can go deep by asking them, “What is the greatest challenge
you’re facing today?”
Second, GIVE them something helpful. It might be calling
them to share a joke or email them a link to an article they might find
helpful. Don’t overdo, just let them know that you’re thinking of them. If you come across something that would help them achieve their wants and needs, take them by the hand and walk them to it. Don't wait for them to recognize it. And understand that they always have the option to reject your contribution. Love them anyway.
Okay, so now you are taking care of them, but a friendship goes
both ways. Most people don’t know how to get what they need. They don’t realize
that people love to be helpful. We all feel good when we can help somebody. So
give your friend a chance to help you. It cements the friendship.
So the third thing in a good friendship, TELL them a story that identifies your greatest
challenge. Don’t whine, but share the adventure, the ultimate goal, and the
specific challenge you are currently facing. People remember stories, and if you are facing a challenge, most people will automatically try to help.
Fourth, ASK them how they would handle your challenge. No
matter what their answer – mundane to master – thank them and encourage them to
explain further. This not only gets you desired results, it lets people feel
good by helping you. They'll be happy to help again because it feels good. Also ask them who they would ask for help if faced with a similar
challenge. One or more of your friends will know an expert in the area of your challenge. Tell your friend, “I’d love to meet that person. Can I buy you both something to drink?
Lunch?”
Finally, FOLLOW UP. In your subsequent conversations, ask them specifically about the challenge they were facing last time you talked. They'll be surprised you remembered. And then ask them again for their ideas and connections to help with your challenge. Repetition helps them to remember you after the conversation.
Finally, FOLLOW UP. In your subsequent conversations, ask them specifically about the challenge they were facing last time you talked. They'll be surprised you remembered. And then ask them again for their ideas and connections to help with your challenge. Repetition helps them to remember you after the conversation.
This can be the pattern that gives meaning to every
conversation: Listen, Give, Tell, Ask and Follow Up.
And remember, a friend – a real friend – will actually keep you and your challenges in mind long after the conversation. They'll find something that they believe might be helpful to share with you. Never reject their offerings; always accept them graciously. It encourages them to continue trying to help.
And remember, a friend – a real friend – will actually keep you and your challenges in mind long after the conversation. They'll find something that they believe might be helpful to share with you. Never reject their offerings; always accept them graciously. It encourages them to continue trying to help.
There are all kinds of little ways to tweak your
conversation to make it more fruitful. In fact, you could print out this post
and share it with a friend, asking them how they approach friendship and
networking.
Copyright © 2017 Christopher Aune, www.ChristopherAune.com